I was gaining confidence. I was thrilled. The day I ran for 20 minutes straight was a proud day. And I was ready to run a race. But I didn't know of any races. I wasn't in the know. No connections to real runners. Yet, I was ready and determined. In my efforts to find a race to run, I ended up coordinating a local race. So as I continued my own running plan I also began preparing to put one on. One preparation was to visit another race to observe and ask questions. As that race was about to begin, I immediately notice how fit everyone is. I notice they have the perfect running outfits. Top of the line running shoes. Fancy timers on one arm, ipods on the other.
They begin to stretch and prepare to run. I begin to doubt myself.
They line up. I talk down to myself.
They take off. I compare myself.
As I see the first runner heading to the finish line, I’m in shock at his time. And I’m done. I give up. Mentally defeated I determine two things: I don’t belong here. There is no way I’m running the race.
“You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?” Gal 5:7
Pause. Self-doubt is deadly isn't it? The words I think and say to myself keep me from the Lord. They are heavy and weigh me down. They keep me from the truth. They keep me consumed with thoughts of myself and leave little room in my thoughts for Him. That’s pride. That’s sin. So I make a determination to turn from it. I choose to listen to the voice of truth. It shouts louder than my insecurities, keeps me humble, and keeps me focused on the race that is set out before me. I choose to believe who God says I am. I choose Jesus. I chose to run my race.